Yes, that’s right, Santa Claus.
You may be thinking, “Santa Claus? Seriously? The old dude who slides down chimneys to give kids gifts and stuff? THAT Santa Claus?”
Yes, folks… THAT Santa Claus. He’s famous for doing things we can only dream of. And do you know why? Because he’s a superhero, dammit!
Take a look at these facts that prove that Santa’s got the powers and accessories to fight evil like nobody’s business!
Before he goes out on patrol, he gets ready in his workshop way out in the North Pole. It’s like his own personal bat cave… remote, hard-to-find, and a place for him to assemble tools he needs to go about his work. Except his gadgets and tools aren’t technological; they’re magical, and instead of Alfred, he’s got elves and reindeer to help him put his stuff together.
In fact, Santa’s little helpers are like Q from the James Bond movies (and folks, trust me. James Bond’s a superhero, too, if you think about it). They work on his G-ride, the sleigh, that he flies all around the world. They make sure it’s designed well enough to fly fast, resist all kinds of force and wind pressure, and it’s got to have its own built-in magical GPS to be able to find every single home on Earth, doesn’t it?
Or maybe it’s SANTA who can do a lot of that stuff, and not his sleigh. Yes, the sleigh’s got to be a FINE piece of craftsmanship to fly all over the place quickly with him on it and those reindeer, but who’s to say that Santa’s not the one who knows where to find everybody to give gifts to? He knows if you’re naughty or nice, so he’s got some mental powers going on. It’s not hard to believe that Santa knows where you sleep, too.
As it happens – Fandago promises it’s pure coincidence — “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is back in theaters, playing New York and Los Angeles (through Sunday) and a smattering of other cities until Christmas. Over 200 theaters are on board; a complete list is available at SantaMartiansMovie.com.
Holland Releasing, a Calabasas, Calif., distributor of B movies, is to thank (or perhaps to blame). Its owner, Tom Holland, said on Friday that he found an old print of “Santa Clause Conquers the Martians” in Europe and restored it, hoping that 30 to 50 college theaters and specialty spots like San Francisco’s Castro Theater would pick up the movie.
“I could hear smiles on the faces of these grumpy old film bookers, and it just kind of took off,” Mr. Holland said. Its selling point? “The sets are cardboard and the costumes are absurd, but the acting is actually decent,” he said. The film stars Broadway and character actors like Bill McCutcheon and John Call.
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